need another drink. this is the easiest way
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
