I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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