Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
