I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
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