I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
