Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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