i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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