Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize