Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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