Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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