ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
