I hate your face
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
