I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
