I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
