she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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