I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
