too bad you live with your parents still
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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