Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
