i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
