Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
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