its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
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