Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
