I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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