I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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