im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
