you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
