I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
