I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
