You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
