anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
