Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
