I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
