Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
