dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
