census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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