people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
