I'm going to jail i love you
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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