im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Say something about gay babies.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Randomize
