he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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