all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
