Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Randomize
