Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
