the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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