I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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