I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
it glows. i had to have it.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
