worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
