I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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