you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
