Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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