I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
i need some magic done to my vagina
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
