I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
