When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize