"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
