She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
