this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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