Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
