if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
