I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
