so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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