this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
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