I love black thongs
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
