I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
