i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
