We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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