Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
