I smell stomach acid.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize