i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
