What a fucking waste of an outfit
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
