hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
