so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
