During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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